First Swim of the Summer

Ok, maybe it's not the first time I went swimming. My family came for graduation (YAY!) and we spent the weekend in palm springs laying by, playing in and staring out our windows at the pool. I've also spent some quality time with some friends in a hot tub recently (very therapeutic).

But today I went to the gym and swam - as a workout. It's the first time I've exercised since about mid-January, and it was really nice. I don't know why I always give up on swimming - I suspect it has more to do with giving up on exercise than swimming.

One of my favorite things about swimming is that I can't feel myself sweating. I know I am - especially when I stop for a break and my face is really hot (and it feels amazing to just lean over and put my face in the water). I also love that there are many different movements - I may be just going back and forth in a lane, but I can do freestyle, sidestroke, breaststroke, backstroke or just use feet or just use hands, etc. If I'm on a treadmill, my options are: walk or run. On an elliptical machine, my options are: forwards or backwards.

The point is that though I feel fatter than ever (and I am - check out that weight! It's only 4 pounds less than the most I ever weighed in my life), I also feel better because I am making some small changes. I don't want to do anything drastic. I'm going to take it easy. Today I got in the pool at 1:55 and decided that I would stay in the pool until 2:30. That was my only objective - not to get out. It was nice. As the summer goes on (and as I get in better shape), my workouts will become more structured and lengthier. Also, hopefully as the summer goes on I won't have creepy guys talking to me from the next lane over.

The other thing I want to talk about real quick is a book I'm reading right now. I know this is not my book blog, and I may link this post to my book blog, but the book is more relevant to my weight issues, so I'm writing about it here.

Food, The Good Girl's Drug

By Sunny Sea Gold

Yes, that's her name. The book is about compulsive eating (aka emotional eating, aka about 400 other names). I haven't read the whole thing yet, but the general idea is that as a compulsive eater (which I've now identified myself as - not proud, but admitting the problem is the first step, right?), I have a condition. I'm not lazy or weak or a bad person. There are psychological factors as well as biological factors, but it all adds up to the fact that food becomes the drug. I get anxiety about whether I have snacks around. I don't even need to always be eating them. It's comforting just to know that I have chocolate donuts hidden in the bedroom.

Here's why I bought the book, and why I'm going to spend some serious time with it (as much as I can when I'm done studying for the day each day). I went to a book store the other day. I had an hour to kill and it was right next to where I needed to be. I found this book sitting on a random table, and I picked it up. I read about 4 pages into the first chapter and it hit so close to home that I started crying. In the middle of Barnes & Noble. I was so embarrassed that I put the book down and practically ran out of the store. When I got home that night I promptly ordered it on Amazon because I couldn't stop thinking about it.

Everything this woman says in the first chapter is me. Her behavior - even back to when she was a child and teenager - is so similar to things I've done in my life. It was like looking into a sad mirror. Anyway, I don't have much more to say about the book right now, because I have so much more to read, but I wanted to put it out there. I'll write more about it as I go through it.

Anyways, I'm hopeful and excited about some changes I'm making. I want to reiterate, though that I'm not putting a lot of pressure on myself. I'm not going to weigh in constantly, and I"m not setting goals. I am not going to put any restrictions on my diet other than to say I'll generally eat better. I'm not going to put any goals or requirements on my gym sessions or the number of times I go each week. I'll just go when I can and when I think I need it. While there, I'll do the work and make the trip worth it, but I will not overtax myself and make myself miserable.