Major fail on both goals today. Ha. I had a GIANT bowl of Honeycomb for breakfast. It's impossible to be satisfied on the actual serving size. It's like eating air - deliciously sweet and glorious air. I also drank soda today.

But, for lunch I stuck with a sandwich (meat, cheese, pickles, and some mayo), but it was around 400 calories. Decent. I supplemented it with an apple, and I was full. It's getting close to afternoon snack time, but I've got some strawberries in the fridge that I can have. We're making homemade burgers tonight, which sounds worse than it is. The meat is good quality and low fat. Homemade grilled burgers are nowhere near as many calories as eating one in a restaurant. We also got corn on the cob to go with it. Yum!

I'm about to take a study break and go for a walk - not a long one, but it will be good to get out of the house, get some fresh air and move around a little. Cheers!

Try-ing This Again - One Step at a Time

I can't believe I've still never done a triathlon. Law school has totally kicked my ass. I am extremely sedentary and I eat crap. I've done some sporadic dieting and exercising, but I haven't fully committed to anything because I don't have the time or the energy. I keep thinking that when I'm a big fancy attorney I'll get a personal trainer and things will be better. That way I don't have to think about what I'm doing. I just show up and do as I'm told. I can do that.

But alas, I'm not a big fancy attorney yet, and I'm not going to be anytime soon. And something has to change right now. Today I ate an entire box of macaroni and cheese. I am disgusting. I have an extremely long summer ahead of me in which I will be studying about 10-12 hours a day. That doesn't leave a lot of time for exercising, and it seems like a situation in which it would be easy to eat a lot of fast food or at least unhealthy food from a freezer, full of preservatives. This is a recipe for disaster.

Here's me at Barrister's Ball a couple of weeks ago - about 30 pounds more than I was when I came back from Europe less than 2 years ago.




I can't believe I spent so much time just now trying to find a flattering picture. The whole point of a "before" type picture is to pick a bad one. Besides, they're all bad right now (I'm wearing spanx under that blue dress and it's still bad - look at that chin!). Which is horrible since it's close to graduation and there are a million events where pictures are taken.

I'm not one of those people who eats less when stressed out - I eat more. And I eat worse. Candy, cake, cookies, ice cream, McDonald's, etc. I cannot do that this summer. So I figure I've got to start doing something. For one thing, I'm going to start writing on this blog a lot more. It will be easy, because I'll always be at a computer. I'll always have a few minutes every day to write what I ate, what I did for exercise, what I did right and what I could improve.

Clearly today's downfall was the box of macaroni and cheese. That won't be happening again. While I won't be completely cutting out mac n' cheese (it's one of my favorites, it's cheap and is easy to make when I'm busy), I will promise to eat no more than one serving, and I will supplement my meal with fruit or salad or something else fresh. It's not as bad to eat something like mac n' cheese if I also eat some natural food. I will also do this with whatever other food I eat - I will eat only the suggested serving size.

Also, I think that though it will be extremely difficult, I'm going to try to cut out soda. I drink a lot of it. I always drink diet or Coke Zero or whatever, but it can't be good to be filling my body with so many chemicals. It tastes delicious, and there's nothing quite like that first cold sip of soda - it tingles and it is so refreshing. But it's time to make some tough decisions. When I need caffeine, I will drink tea. When I need carbonation, I'll drink soda water. I have about a 12 pack left at home, and when it's gone, I won't buy more. It's expensive anyway. I'm not saying I won't buy the occasional soda from a machine or something in the future, but I'm going to work hard to cut way down.

So, my first two steps are to only eat one serving size of things (this is going to be most difficult with cereal), and to cut out soda. Let's start with that and see where things go. No need to go crazy with goals right now. The best way for me to fail is to try to take on too much at once - especially at a time when so much other stuff will be going on in my life.

I do have long-term goals, though. First, I will compete in a triathlon sometime in the next year. Second, my dream is to lose 40 pounds. It is possible, but it won't be easy. I was going to use the metaphor of how the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time, but that seems really inappropriate for this situation. Instead, I'll use the metaphor of climbing a mountain - it can only be done one step at a time.

Crap

Aerobics again tonight. It's the same class I went to last week, only there was a new teacher. From what I could gather while eavesdropping on the conversations of the regulars, tonight's teacher is the real teacher and last week's was a substitute. What a relief! I thought I was going to have to struggle to keep my feet moving through the most boring coreography in the world again.

Oh wait. Tonight's routine was the same as last week. Boring! But what can you expect from a male step aerobics teacher? But, it still kicked my ass. Until it's boring and I don't feel like passing out at the end of class, then maybe I'll consider something else. For now I'm going to keep it up. Plus the teacher is pretty cool - despite his inability to coreograph.

There's a step aerobics class at 6:00 a.m. on Wednesday at the gym on 19th St. I think I'll give that one a shot. I much prefer working out in the morning. That means I'll have to go to bed early Tuesday night, though. I tried to go last week and it didn't really work out.

But things are going ok. They say the first week is the hardest, but I disagree (and who are they anyways, and how the heck do they know so much). I think it's easy to keep some willpower going the first week. It's the next couple of weeks that count. It's tougher to keep going than it is to start going again after a long break. That's the ultimate goal.

I'm down 5 pounds in one week - to 183. With any luck I'll be in the 170's soon. I can't wait to fit into some of my tighter pants again! I've made myself a chart where I can keep track of my progress, with rewards each time I meet a mini-goal. My first impulse was to reward myself with a nice dinner out - but therein lies one of my problems. I need to stop using food as the centerpiece of every occasion. I use it to celebrate, or to feel bad. I've got to change that habit.

Fat and Happy

It's been pouring for 3 days. I didn't leave Portland for this! Anyways, it makes me want to sit under a blanket on the couch and read - not exercise. I got out a pilates video to try out, but I just don't feel like it. Maybe later.

I'm down to 182.5 today - depsite the fact that I had pizza and cheesecake on Thursday night. So that's awesome.

I don't know what to do with myself. Mike has the car, so I can't go anywhere. I'm not riding my bike in all this rain. I don't want to do my homework, but I know I should.

We have 4 ripe lemons that need to be picked. Maybe I'll make lemonade!

Day Three

While I am still hungry - actually I'm more unsatisfied than I am hungry - the nutrisystem stuff is working. I lost 5 pounds in two days. I'm sure that pace won't be kept up, and I actually hope it slows down.

I rode my bike to school again today, so that's good. However I failed to wake up in time for the aerobics class I was planning on attending this morning. The alarm went off, and I turned it off. I rolled over to get out of bed, and looked at the clock and it was too late - the class had already started. I suck.

I did stay up pretty late, but I'm losing it - I used to be able to get up early. Now it seems like I can't get up until at least 7. I used to be at work by 7 - after going to the gym.

No matter, I'll do something else later - maybe just some pushups and situps or something.

Back in the Saddle

I was doing pretty well - I was swimming, biking and "running."

Then law school got in the way - there's a little thing called finals that took me off track. Then we went to New York where I ate everything in sight. And believe me, I saw a lot of food. Slowly, I've been trying to be better, but nothing's sticking. I am now almost as fat as I have ever been. So it's time to get serious.

That's why I've started Nutrisystem. Today was my first day, and I'm feeling like this is something that's possible. It will take some work, but nothing good comes without work. Plus, if I fail to plan, then I'm planning to fail.

Besides, I get to drink unlimited diet coke. I know it's not super healthy, but give me a break. One vice at a time. First I'll get the food thing under control. Then I'll work on drinking less caffeine and fake sugar.

I rode my bike to school today - that's about 30 minutes each way. Then when I got home, I went to step aerobics. The aerobics class killed me. The teacher was ok - his strategy was basically to speed up the music so fast that he didn't have to worry about coreography. It is usually a strategy that I hate. But this time I'm so out of shape and it's been so long since I've done step that I didn't mind so much that we were stuck doing basics. I was so dead at the end that I couldn't keep up. He kept speeding up the music and I couldn't take it anymore. Also, I liked how he warmed us up, then went right into a crazy hard ab workout. Then we got into the cardio, and we went hard til the end of the hour.

There's no new before pictures, because I basically look the same still.

Weight this morning was 188. Gross.

Wish me luck.

Life goes on

184.5 lbs.

Lost about 4 pounds so far.

I'm pulling back a little on the triathlon training, because I got hurt. I went for one "run" and managed to pull both groin muscles and a hamstring. So, here's the new plan: Operation Weight Loss.

I have decided that before I enter into one of the many triathlon training plans in all of the books I've been reading, I need to lose some weight. Otherwise I will just get hurt running. It's hard to run when you have all this extra weight just bouncing around.

In order to be successful at operation weight loss, I will be doing a mostly cardio routine. Mon, Wed, and Fri are for pure cardio - probably elliptical, stationary bike or aerobics classes. Tuesdays and Thursdays will be strength training and swimming. Then on the weekends I'll do one long bike ride.

Mike and I did a 22 mile ride on Sunday - it was pretty fun. I'm still getting used to the fast bike. I'm still a little nervous going down hills. Also, the shoes that clip into the pedals are difficult to master. Sometimes when coming to a stop I forget, and freak out that my foot is stuck. The first day I went for a ride with them, I fell twice. Athletic training apparently doesn't take away awkwardness.

School stress is starting to get worse. For the first half of the semester, I was having a difficult time just finishing the reading necessary to finish class. I thought it would get easier or that I would get faster at reading. It's not happening. So now, in addition to all the reading (about 10 - 15 hours outside of class time), I've got writing assignments due, and I've got to start taking practice tests.

I did pretty well on the one midterm we were given. So that makes me feel better. But I went to an exam-writing workshop and there I learned that the best way to do well on exams is to take a lot of practice ones. So that's my new plan. On the weekends, I will be taking as many practice exams as I can, and my reading will be done during the week. Hopefully I can manage.

Plus I've still got to fit in my husband, training, TV, pleasure reading, piano, and all the other things I like to do. Poor Mike has to suffer through my stress, and all he wants to do is hang out with me. Our anniversary is in a couple of weeks, and I'm hoping that I can find something special to do for Mike. He has been a really good husband through all of this. By now I've figured out that law school is a game, and it's a game I can win. I just don't want to miss out on the rest of my life during the game.

Now, I've got to go, because I found out last night that I did the wrong reading for my property class in 3 hours, and I've got to get the right reading done. The kettle boiled a minute ago and my cup of tea is ready, so I have to be ready too.